the body worker found her resting somewhere near my tailbone first, then curled around my heart the warmth still there and asked me “what’s with all these references to dogs?” she is shining on, so why am i surprised? but still my body must be talking ‘cause i haven’t said a word “she died last June” i say it once again, the way my tongue keeps flicking at the cut inside my mouth that just won’t heal “i’m sorry for your loss” it’s what they say, what i say too the closest we can get to someone else’s grief i feel her in my body but i never find her in my home my fingers holding the last bite stupidly for no one and my feet avoid the memory of her faithful in the dark beside my bed there she isn’t, there she isn’t, there is where she rolled onto her back and squirmed with joy to see me home, her body would be talking even though she never said a word and there the last place where she laid her head upon my lap and sighed, its always happening again there when i step across the doorway yes i always feel it in my throat, my hands, my eyes while new age music plays the body worker presses on my shoulder, “that’s the reason” she is smiling “all the references your body makes to dogs.”
Now I know what it’s like
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